He held her while she trembled, stroked her hair and rubbed gentle circles along her back. He spoke to her of the sun that would fill the forest just outside the door, of long golden summer days and the soft blue light of winter evenings. Anything and everything he could think of to ease a terror he didn’t understand.
When the first rays of light broke across the horizon he whispered for her to open her eyes. Sophie took one look, sighed raggedly and closed her eyes again. Alex laid them both down and let himself follow her into sleep.
The sun was high into the sky when Sophie woke. She felt stiff, groggy, and miserably ashamed.
“How are you feeling?”
One look at Alex standing over her added a generous heaping of guilt. His clothes were rumpled, his hair a mess, and there were circles under his beautiful green eyes. Because of her.
“I’m fine,” she mumbled. “Did you sleep at all?”
“I did, yes.” He sat down beside her and pulled a hanker-chief out of his pocket. “Blackberries,” he supplied. “I found a patch almost outside our front door.”
Though her system was still reeling from the nightmare of last night, Sophie accepted a few of the juicy black berries. She hadn’t had a meal in over a day.
“Won’t you have some?” she asked when he made no move to eat.
“I had my fill while I picked,” he explained. “Go ahead.”
Feeling uncomfortable under his watchful eye, she nonetheless ate every last berry and licked her fingers clean.
“There’s a bucket of rainwater outside if you like.”
She nodded and rose, avoiding looking him in the eye.
She took her time cleaning up, letting the sun warm her face, and settle her mind and body. She’d spent the night in a man’s arms. Alex’s arms. She wasn’t at all certain how she felt about that—touched that he’d taken such care of her, amazed that his presence, his voice, his smell, the feel of his strength, had kept the worst of the fear at bay.
And she felt embarrassed. Mortified, really. She’d spent the whole of the night crying and shivering like a frightened child. What must he think of her?
He’d want an explanation, of course. He deserved one.
She tilted her head back and let the sun shine on her a moment longer then went back inside.
Alex watched her cross the small room to stand in front of him. He remained quiet as she took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
“It was dark when my mother and sister died,” she whispered.
He brought a hand up to rub the path of freckles arcoss her nose. She was still so pale, he thought. He’d seen the echoes of last night’s fear in her clear blue eyes before she’d closed them.
“You don’t have to explain. Not until you’re ready. I can wait.”
She let out an enormous sigh of relief and her lids fluttered open. “You don’t think me a coward?”
The hope in her voice broke his heart. “Sophie, of course not. How could you think that? How could anyone think that?”
“I think that. You saw me last night.” She laughed without humor. “I was fully mad, wasn’t I?”
“No. You were terrified. I’ve seen men in the grip of madness and men in the grip of panic. They may look similar, but I assure you, they are two very separate states.”
Sophie was momentarily taken aback by his reasoning. She had never thought of it that way. She had always viewed her terror as a kind of transient insanity, a weakness she couldn’t fight.
She looked up at him with gratitude, with longing.
If only he would agree to go with her to China. If only, for once in her life, she could just be lucky without having to pay for it later. If only Alex loved her and nothing else in the world mattered.
And when “if onlys” were pound notes she’d hire a team of lawyers and send her cousin to debtors’ prison on his way to hell.
At least the sun was shining, Sophie mused as she climbed over yet another fallen tree. They’d hiked across the countryside all morning and well into midday. It was hard going, but she could only imagine how much worse the trek would be if they had foul weather rather than a clear fall day.
Alex seemed to have some idea of where they were headed, insisting that they were following some sort of trail after she pointed out that they were no longer traveling east. She tried in vain to detect any sign of an intentional path through the roots and brambles, but eventually abandoned the effort in favor of simply putting one foot in front of the other. He’d never given her any reason to doubt his navigational skills, and England was a fairly well-populated island. How long could they possibly travel before finding civilization?
Three hours later, Sophie was beginning to consider the possibility that they had left England behind—and were now well into Scotland—when they stumbled out of the thick woods and onto a road.
“Thank God,” she panted, letting her legs collapse ungracefully beneath her until her rump was settled comfortably— relatively speaking, of course—in the dirt. She very nearly leaned down and kissed the gravelly earth, she was so delighted to see it.