Alex shot her an annoyed look. He didn’t care for her sarcasm, although it did provide a relatively dignified excuse for his otherwise embarrassing question. But he didn’t feel relieved. He regretted having asked why his name was absent from the list in quite so pathetic a manner, but he was still desperate to know the answer. So he said nothing at all. Just continued to glare.
“Alex,” Sophie said, attempting a more placating tone of voice. “The list is comprised of gentlemen I believe to be amiable to the idea of marriage, specifically with me.”
“And you believe they’re open to the notion of marriage to you because they….” He cocked his head a little in a prompting fashion.
“Because they’ve engaged in the time-honored tradition of courtship. I believe you’re familiar with the basics: flowers, compliments—”
“I compliment you.” Alex heard the defensiveness in his voice but decided not to worry over it. He had already succeeded in completely unmanning himself, why worry over a little more lost pride?
Sophie snorted. “No,” she stated emphatically, “you do not. At least, not in any manner that can’t be easily followed by a wink, a nudge, and the directions to a discreet little inn.”
Alex opened his mouth, pointed one finger at her and then…and then nothing. He just stood that way, frozen.
“Alex?”
His mouth opened a little wider. His finger came up a little higher.
“Alex?”
Finally, he dropped his finger, closed his mouth and—
Sophie groaned.
He was pacing again.
She couldn’t begin to fathom why he was pacing again.
And she didn’t really feel like trying. She was tired. Really, terribly tired. She wanted a hot bath, maybe a warm glass of milk, and a bed. She smiled at the thought. A big comfortable bed with a soft down mattress, lots and lots of fluffy pillows, and piles of thick blankets that had just come from the line. She could lay down, sink in, and—
“You’ll marry me.”
In the years that would follow, Sophie would blame her singularly unattractive reaction to that announcement on the fact that she was not fully awake when it was made.
Her jaw dropped. It didn’t open; it dropped. Until her chin was very nearly resting on her chest. Her eyes squeezed shut tight in what could only be described as a desperate maneuver to save them from popping out of her head completely.
And then there was the sound.
An unnatural choking noise that she could only presume originated in her throat, but really could have come from anywhere since she didn’t remember making the noise, just hearing it.
She tensed her whole body in an extraordinary effort to manipulate her mouth in such a way that a coherent sentence might be formed. Or a word even. Really, she’d settle for a word.
“You look positively ill,” Alex grumbled.
She couldn’t blame him. It certainly wasn’t a flattering response to his suit.
“Is the prospect of marriage to me so bad as all that?”
“But you don’t want to marry!” she blurted out, her eyes finally popping open and her whole body jolting then relaxing, as if she had been swimming under water too long and had finally broken the surface.
Alex eyed her curiously for a moment before asking, “And you do?”
No. She almost said it, stopping herself at the last moment when she realized it wasn’t true.
She did want to marry. She just didn’t want to marry any of the men on that list.
She wanted to marry Alex. She wanted that more than she had ever wanted anything else in her life.
Sophie remembered how her hands and heart had just itched to put his name on that list. At the very top. In big bold letters. All capitalized and underlined—twice. But her head hadn’t allowed it for that very reason. He didn’t want marriage, she’d thought, and she wanted him too much. She cared for him too deeply. She could fall in love with him so easily.
Members of the nobility who married the people they loved were lucky. Very, very lucky. Outrageously lucky. Sophie couldn’t begin to imagine what luck like that would cost her.
“Sophie?”
“Right. Yes. Um…” Had he asked her a question?
“I asked you if you wanted to marry.”
“Right.” She paused, then said flatly, “No, I don’t.” She tried not to visibly cringe at the lie.
“Well then, that’s fair.”
“It is?” Sophie’s mind was whirling. She wasn’t at all clear on what Alex was talking about.
“Yes, it is,” Alex said with a businesslike tone and a nod. “I’ll procure the special license tomorrow.”
“You will?” she asked dazedly. She blinked once and suddenly came to herself. “No, wait! I mean you won’t! You won’t procure a special license tomorrow because I am not going to marry you.”
“Yes, you are.”
“I believe I just told you I was not.”
“Why not?” he demanded.
Because you won’t let me return to my father.
Because I might fall in love with you.
Because I might be in love with you already.
Because I’ll have to pay for it all later.
“Because I don’t want to.” Good Lord, she sounded like a five-year-old.
“You don’t want to marry at all,” he pointed out reasonably. “Unfortunately, it’s clear you haven’t a choice in the matter—”