I didn’t like that. I didn’t like the change. The pens on his desks weren’t blue anymore. They were red. I didn’t like that, either. The couch had new yellow throw pillows. His office was the same, but…different.
“As I was saying,” he continued. No. You’re only supposed to say two things. “I researched some more on Salvador after last week’s conversation. He had a painting called My Dead Brother. He used pop art to create it actually, did you know that?”
Of course I knew that.
“Of course you know that. Anyway, Salvador said something that struck me. He said, ‘Every day, I kill the image of my poor brother…I assassinate him regularly, for the ‘Divine Dali’ cannot have anything in common with this former terrestrial being.’ Interesting, huh?”
I wiggled in my seat, uncomfortable with the quote. “Ask me what’s on my mind,” I ordered.
He shook his head. “Not today.”
Why? Why did he have to be so difficult today? Why did he have to break the normality that we’d fallen into?
Why did things have to change?
“You’re about sixteen weeks pregnant now, right?”
My eyes welled up with tears because he was seeing me, even when all I wanted to be was invisible. “Seventeen weeks.”
“You’re not the same person you were a few months ago, are you? That girl’s gone now, isn’t she?”
I nodded again.
“But maybe that’s okay. Maybe it’s okay to no longer be the person we thought we were meant to be. Maybe it’s okay to just be who we are now and accept that.”
“But I messed up. I messed up my family’s future.”
“That’s the thing about the future, and the past even. They don’t exist in this moment. We only have the here and now. If we focus too much on the past or too heavily on the future, we miss out on our present desires, the things we want right now.”
I cried in his office for the first time, breaking down because I was no longer the person I used to be. I was someone new, someone that my father didn’t love and my mother pitied; I worried too much about what that meant for our future.
Dr. Ward handed me a Kleenex, and I blew my nose in it.
He crossed his arms, studying my every broken down movement. “What do you want, Aria?” he asked.
“What?”
“What do you want?” He repeated himself like it was the easiest question ever.
I cried some more, because I knew what I wanted, but I thought it made me an awful kind of person.
I wanted to have the baby.
But I didn’t want to keep it.
* * *
“How was the meeting?” Mom asked me, driving away from Dr. Ward’s office.
“Awful,” I sobbed. “He’s really awful. I never want to go back again.”
“Good.” She smiled, nodding. “Good, good, good. I’m glad you have someone to talk to.”
Me too.
27 Levi
I hadn’t spoken to Aria or Simon in a week. When Aria and I worked on our project, she used as few words as possible to get her points across. She was cold, distant. It wasn’t until Friday that she actually took notice of me.
“What’s going on?” I asked, walking up to Simon, Abigail, and Aria.
“It’s Abigail,” Aria whispered, her eyes wide. “She’s not…moving.”
My eyes locked in on the girl, and a part of me didn’t believe it was Abigail. She was wearing jeans and a plain black T-shirt that hugged her body. No high heels—just tennis shoes.
“Abigail?” I asked, waving my hand in front of her face. Her crystal blue eyes were wide, but I couldn’t read her thoughts. “What’s going on?”
“She’s not talking, either. No movements, no words,” Simon explained. “She’s officially broken.”
We stood in front of her as the hallways cleared and everyone hurried to their first hour class after the bell rang. The hallways went silent, and Abigail didn’t budge.
“She’s never been late to class.” Aria frowned. “Hell is freezing over right now as we speak.”
Abigail blinked.
Our eyes widened as if shocked by the small movement of her eyes.
“I’m having a party at my house tonight. You’re all invited,” Abigail said before walking off.
Slowly.
Without haste.
At a normal walking pace.
What. The. Hell?
* * *
We showed up to Abigail’s house at the same time, and when I asked Aria if she was still upset with me, she told me not to speak to her, so I took that as a yes.
“To tell you the truth, I don’t even know why I’m here. I’m still pretty annoyed with Abigail after she flatly rejected me with no reason,” Simon said, fixing his tie. The fact that he was wearing a tie made me realize that even though he said he was still mad, he still cared what this girl thought of him. “But I just had to know what an Abigail party would be like. It just seems—weird.”