There’s only one word for the feelings that were rising up inside of me. Anarchy. Fuck the vampires and fuck the Hive. How many years had this been going on? Killing their offspring, using us as their foot soldiers? They kept us weak and scared, killing off most of us in the cullings and then making the survivors think they were lucky to be part of the Hive world. Mind-screwing bastards.
If the humans never rejected the ash, or relegated them to the Hives, then we should be joining forces with them, rising up to demand that the vampires stopped their barbaric practices. My head was aching with all of these thoughts and questions, the anger smashing inside until I felt like I was going to go crazy.
My two bodyguards remained with me while I watched my family drive off, back to the human part of Portland, back to normal, leaving me here in blood-soaked crazy town.
Chapter 5
The next day was on the depressing side. Seeing Tessa like that and thinking about the sucktastic life for us ash … well, it had shaken me.
Seeking some sort of comfort, I found myself ditching my guards—they thought I was just ducking to the feeding room—so I could take a minute to myself outside in the garden. My new badge was all kinds of awesome, allowing me access to areas I had never been allowed to go alone before. I began wandering aimlessly, bypassing—avoiding—the many groups of ash scattered around. I couldn’t be bothered dealing with the males of the Hive today. I was still the unicorn ash, and the only thing which kept me from being harassed a lot was the fact that my wolf pack was a bunch of killer enforcers.
Knew those guys would come in handy for more than brooding and chiseled abs.
I traveled further than ever from the imposing Hive building. The grounds were quite extensive, and I knew from the “welcome” package, which was as dreary as the ones you probably got in prison, that there was about ten acres of land here. A large chunk was taken up by the enormous building, but still plenty of nature remained. The government had forbidden the vamps from building more housing or extending the Hive. They were trying to keep the numbers contained.
I found myself in a section of the forest which I’d never been before, the canopy thick and dense, and it was dark and cold on the ground level. Winter was so damn close I could feel the chill in the air, smell the fresh scent which usually meant ice or snow was around the corner. As I strolled further through the tightly-packed forest, I fought for a sense of … something. I was lost. On the other hand, things were actually okay in the Hive. I had Ryder and the guys, I was going to be an enforcer— which was a hell of a lot better than “hello, can I take your call”—but still, this feeling of unease remained.
As the trees thinned, I emerged out into a large open space. I could see the high, wired fences in the distance, and hear cars, so I was probably close to the front entrance. It took me about five seconds to recognize where I had ended up. Since arriving here I’d tried to avoid this particular spot, consciously and subconsciously. I really hadn’t wanted to deal with it. But of course, like all suppressed things, something eventually forces them to the surface.
Sucking in a deep breath, I squared my shoulders, got all brave and stomped across to the very spot where I had been dragged and almost raped. Everything looked a little different now. The ground was rough, the grass browning off and starting to die. The last time it had been dark, the shadows casting the entire world into something that seemed sinister and petrifying.
Crouching down, I dropped both of my hands into the grass, scraping across the hard dirt below. I had fought my attackers, but there were two of them and they were so much stronger than me. I knew at the time there was no way for me to escape, and that if I just lay there and accepted my fate, they might let me live.
But of course, I would have preferred death over letting those two animals think they had broken me. I was a fighter.
I had to squeeze my eyes tightly as images and emotions flashed through me. It was disorienting and overwhelming, mostly because I had refused to let myself dwell on it too much. After it happened I wouldn’t speak on it, only giving my mom and Tessa the very barest of information. I had gotten very good at suppressing that night, and instead had focused on becoming physically stronger. Emotional strength, as always, was a lot harder.
It took me a while, sitting there on that cold, hard ground, eyes closed, emotions a mess, tears leaking from my eyes. Eventually the ache in my chest and stomach started to abate, until I could finally open my eyes and see the world around me again.
On the rare occasions I allowed myself to remember that night, it was only to wonder who the male was who had saved me. At the time I’d been out of it, overcome with fear, and the entire thing came back in flashes. But the Viking male, with his broad, strong and kind face, was permanently imprinted on my mind. A vampire who was actually caring enough to stop a human female from being raped. Seemed as if Lucas wasn’t the only one I could trust, but Viking vamp had completely disappeared.