By the time Callum has finished talking to Jimmy and the other marshals, some of his stress has eased. They are all in radio contact, so they will be able to let him know when Georgia passes through each checkpoint. However, there is something else he needs to do to properly lift the lead from his shoulders.
Before Callum returns to Anya, he walks quickly across the field again. His shadow trails him, steeped in guilt. He knows he has only minutes to spare, and when he reaches the first-aid tent he gestures for Danielle to follow him around the back of the tent, out of sight of the general public. He has had cold sweat on the back of his neck ever since he watched Danielle and Anya have a conversation. He needs to sort this out now.
‘What is it?’ Danielle asks once they are on their own. She folds her arms, kicking gently at a tent peg as she stares towards the ground.
‘We have to clear the air, once and for all,’ he begins. He needs her to look at him, to see his intent. ‘Danielle,’ he says, sharp enough to pierce her fug and catch her eye. ‘I’m truly sorry if I led you on—’
‘There’s no if about it,’ she snaps before he can say more.
He catches his sigh before it is released. ‘Okay, fair enough. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done that has led you to believe there could be something more between us. But I would still like your friendship, if that means anything.’
At this, Danielle bursts into tears. Her emotions are so close to the surface, he thinks, not yet bedded down by time or experience. He’s not sure if it’s a good or bad thing. It’s certainly the opposite of how he feels most of the time – a droning engine that never falters, with all the boring predictability that comes with it. Perhaps that’s why it has taken Danielle to rattle him, and make him reconsider his life.
It’s horrible letting her stand there and cry without making an effort to comfort her, but he’s terrified that she might misread any sympathetic move. He remembers Anya sobbing in the armchair last night. Why had it been impossible to reach out to his wife?
His guilt wouldn’t let him, he realises. But if his marriage is to stand any chance of recovery, he needs to start focusing on his penance more than his crime.
‘Please don’t,’ he says gently.
Danielle wipes her eyes with her hand. Her vulnerability reminds him of Georgia, and he wonders once again what on earth Danielle sees in him – a middle-aged man – that would make her imagine they could have any kind of future together? ‘I just wanted to let you know that I’ve decided to take a break from the unit.’
That catches her attention. She studies him and behind her tears he can easily pick out the pain. Guilt crawls over him again.
‘You don’t have to do that, Callum,’ she says, her voice softening. ‘Last night I was angry; I didn’t mean to threaten you.’
He holds up a hand to stop her.
‘You were right, though – we’ve put ourselves in a difficult position. It’s a good idea for me to take some leave. There are things I need to sort out at home. I want to spend some time with my daughter before she heads off to university next year, and I – I need to get my marriage back on track.’ It was hard to hold her gaze as he said it, but he had to show her he was serious. ‘I’m going to talk to the board about taking six months out . . . but after that I hope to come back, okay? That gives us some time to let things cool down. It’s up to you whether you want to be part of the team when I return.’
Danielle folds her arms as though to hug herself. ‘For months now, I’ve thought things were different, Callum.’
‘I know.’ Callum moves forward and pats her shoulder awkwardly. ‘I’m so sorry.’
The moment stretches out as they stand there, unmoving. Now her anger has dissipated and he doesn’t feel so terrified, Callum can feel the pull. It would be so easy to move closer. There is a strong connection between them, despite age and circumstance. Danielle glances up at him, and he understands that she can feel it too, that they can’t hide this from one another.
They haven’t broken eye contact. Everything is unravelling, all the mending he has done is pointless. He doesn’t believe they are destined for one another, but they will always struggle with this chemistry, particularly while he no longer shares a strong bond with his wife.