People have begun to mill around in the lull between events. Tired, breathless children mingle with those still jittery with nerves. There are a disproportionate number of dogs in attendance, held back on leads kept close to their owners. Some are eyeing each other up, but others have already flopped to the ground, their furry bellies soaked against the grass, resigned to a long wait for attention.
I catch a glimpse of long, dark hair among the spectators and my heart jumps. I strain to see more but the woman disappears, and when I wind through people to find her again, there seem to be half a dozen women with loose brown hair standing around chatting. I tell myself to calm down, and march through the crowd until I am standing outside the open doors of the sports hall, surveying the huddles of teenagers who are listening to the final words from their coaches. Not far away, I see Georgia and Danny sitting together against a wall, concentrating as Mr Freeman goes through the various aspects of the course. I find myself listening too, imagining all that Georgia will encounter, and only once he wishes them luck and there is movement everywhere do I focus my attention back on Georgia. Danny stands in front of her and pulls her up, and the next moment I’m shocked to see my daughter involved in a very public PDA, as the kids call it – her mouth locked with Danny’s. I’m not sure what takes me most by surprise – the fact this seems so unlike Georgia, or that she had seemed so dismissive, almost derisory, of Danny yesterday. Teenagers change their minds every minute, I tell myself, but it does nothing for my confusion.
She can’t have seen me walk in, surely. I haven’t yet experienced Georgia with a boyfriend, and I’d always hoped to be the kind of mum she could be open with – but now I find myself full of good old-fashioned embarrassment. I suppose it makes a change, since I’m usually the one making Georgia cringe. I try to imagine her reaction if she saw me kissing Callum like this, and almost splutter at the thought of it.
Mr Freeman is still standing close by, watching them. Mortified, I step across to try to distract him. I’m about to ask him if he’s enjoying the day – fell-running is a school tradition he may not have experienced before, since he only joined us this term – but he doesn’t even realise I am there. He is staring at Georgia with the strangest expression.
When I follow his gaze I see that while my daughter’s lips stay locked on Danny’s, her eyes stray to find Freeman’s. The look that briefly passes between them is full of raw and unadulterated knowledge. My worries begin to swirl, a roulette ball whirling faster and faster. A series of events click into place. In seconds, a dreadful idea spins round and round in front of me, locked in, and I cannot do a thing to change it.
28
GEORGIA
Danny takes Georgia by surprise with the kiss. She realises he is just continuing where they left off last night, but with everything else going on she had almost forgotten it had happened. And they have never kissed in public before. This is a declaration, a claim on her, and although she’s excited her eyes cannot help but stray.
She sees him watching. Her pulse races; her blood burns. She wants to run across and tell him that this doesn’t mean a thing, if only he would look at her like he used to.
She kisses Danny harder.
She locks eyes with Leo. And remembers.
? ? ?
On their run back from Loughrigg Tarn, the rain had picked up. Georgia had increased her speed as the dusty track quickly dissolved into muddy slime, aware of Leo close behind her.
She hadn’t even heard him fall. She had just become aware that he was no longer with her, and turned to see him sitting on the ground some distance away, clutching his ankle.
She had jogged back and knelt down beside him. ‘What happened? Are you okay?’
‘I hit a rock awkwardly and slipped.’ He grimaced as he got to his feet. ‘It should be fine, I’ll walk it off in a minute.’
They set off down the muddy slope again, Georgia hovering next to him, beginning to shiver now she wasn’t generating heat from running.
Leo was obviously limping.
‘Here, why don’t you lean on me?’ she suggested. ‘How does it feel now?’
He put an arm around her shoulder. ‘Not so good. Shit,’ he said, hobbling over to a rock and sitting on it, re-examining his ankle. ‘This is all I need. Not a good start to a new job.’
‘Will it matter?’
His laugh was derisive. ‘It might to the kids at Fairbridge. Not sure they want their new head of sport showing up with an injury.’
As Georgia had processed his words, a burn had begun around her collarbone, spreading outwards until her whole body was aflame. She had sat there, her hands clutching her knees, oblivious to the rain until he said, ‘We should try to keep moving before we get too cold.’ Until he said, ‘Georgia?’
His voice calling her name had reconnected her to their surroundings. She got up, helped him to stand. She felt colder all the time; her legs were shaking. She said nothing. In each place their bodies touched she felt her silence as betrayal.