“Nothing.”
She scrambles to her feet and puts distance between us. I mentally run down what I’ve said and I don’t get it. Finally, she faces me and I’m pretty sure what I see is fear in her eyes.
“So if I didn’t have these,” she glances down at her amazing breasts, framing them with her hands, “you wouldn’t want me?”
It’s obvious I’m clueless when it comes to women, but I can swear I’ve done nothing wrong. So I make my move and stand before her again.
I cup her and squeeze gently. “You have spectacular breasts that money can’t buy, more than a handful. You must be a C, probably a D.”
She shrugs. “Large C, small D. But you didn’t answer my question.”
Okay, maybe she’s hormonal. I know better than to ask. Instead, I give her the truth and hope I find the right words and don’t fuck this up.
“I love them. I’ll admit when I saw you, it was your legs and the side view of your tits that caught my eye. It may sound shallow, but it’s true. However, it isn’t your beauty that keeps me here. Hell, I’ve had many beautiful women in my life and none of them captured my attention like you have.”
I stop because I have the shits of the mouth. Drew told me I would fall one day and I’d be begging some woman to see the good in me. And here I am. All I have is honesty, so I give it to her.
“You’ve seen Karen. She’s something to look at, yet her attractiveness is buried under all of her conniving ways.”
“She’s prettier than me.”
Something’s off. Sam isn’t vain, but she doesn’t have low self-esteem either.
“She has nothing on you, baby.” I place my hands on her arms and stare in her hazel eyes. “You’ve got it all. And she doesn’t. Whatever she’s got going on will fade one day and the only thing left will be spite.”
I search her eyes hoping she’ll see the truth in what I have to say. “That and rubbery tits.” I laugh at my own joke. “She wasn’t even that small to begin with. I think a B, she said. She didn’t feel like she could compete. And now she can’t. You are perfect just as you are. And when you get older, you won’t look like a clown. I bet your breasts will still be amazing, just like you.”
Her smile is still mysteriously missing. Her arms are crossed over her chest like she’s hiding from me. What the fuck am I doing wrong?
“What really happened between you and Karen anyway?”
Thankfully, I manage to hold in a groan. All thoughts of sex have fled the building. I’m still up for her in more ways than one. But she doesn’t look anywhere near ready for me to touch her. I turn for the couch and sit down. I’ve done this to myself, bringing Karen up. Talking about her and the reasons I’m not with her isn’t going to help whatever is going on.
When Sam doesn’t come over and sit next to me, I pat the cushion, praying I’m not making another mistake. Hopefully, she doesn’t call me an asshole for treating her like a puppy. The fact that I think of it means I’ve probably fucked up again. I scrub my face remembering all the reasons for not wanting a girlfriend. The main one is women are too complicated. And I’m not smooth enough not to mess it up.
I glare up at the ceiling missing my best friend like crazy.
Her hand pulls mine free of my hair jarring me from darker thoughts. “Ben.”
“I know. I know.” Cue in heavy sigh, because I don’t know what to say that won’t set her off.
“Just tell me,” she urges.
Her quiet words make me meet her eyes. Sadness is still there and frustration builds in my chest. I lean back holding her gaze. I know when I tell her the truth things will change between us. She’ll see me for the dick I am because there isn’t a way to pretty up what I have to say if I plan on staying honest with her.
“She was convenient. A steady screw so I didn’t have to waste time at a bar or a club looking for someone to fuck when I had a mind for it.”
Sam’s brows rise and I close my eyes, gazing away. I stare at the blank screen of the TV because I can’t look at her when I say the rest of it.
“She’s a lawyer, busy like I am. She wasn’t clingy.” I laugh at that. “Or so I thought. She cleaned up nice when I needed a date and I let it go on longer than I should have.”
“Is that what you think of women … of me?”
I snap my head in her direction and focus on her. “Not exactly and definitely not you. I’m not going to be ashamed of who I was.” As her eyes go wide, I add, “I’m not proud of it either. But I’ve always been honest. Even with Karen. I guess somehow she believed she could change me. I don’t know. My five-year plan has never included a relationship. My goal has been to make something of myself. Have my dad be proud of me for once. Then you came along.”