I step out of the way and let him enter. “You can hang out in the living room. I’m sure Jenna will be down in a second.”
“Jenna,” I call towards the stairs before I head to the back. I need air and away from the memory of Drew Mom conjured. The fact that she thinks that I would want to go through that ever again, is ludicrous. And it pisses me off more than I can express that she would even bring it up in front of Karen.
The sun porch is empty, but I step out into the backyard and breathe. I need to calm down because Dad’s going to give me shit about upsetting Mom.
My fist connects with the deck railing. Seeing Karen only reminds me of the look on Sam’s face after I took her on my desk. I’d been busy, too busy to figure out the right way to explain my deadlines. Instead, I proved I was right about her not being able to make the cut when I gave her the fuck buddy speech. Her pale face proved she’d played with fire and had gotten burned. I can feel Drew’s disappointment, which is just as bad as my need for my father’s validation.
I need you, brother.
I rake a hand through my hair wondering if I’ll ever be able to see past the grief that consumes me. What I wouldn’t do for just one more day to kick back and pick at Drew’s brain.
What grabs my attention when I look up is the aging structure in the tree that had been Drew’s and my fort. How many times had Drew found me back there when I needed time to myself? He’d talk me down from smashing walls or faces. Take a deep breath, he’d say. It isn’t worth it.
I wonder if it will ever get easier to think about him without hating the world for stealing him from us. Leaning my head back, I’m consumed by another memory.
Pressing my fists to my eyes, I hope to ward off the burning that threatens.
I hear him coming up the ladder and I grit my teeth.
“Dude, what the hell happened at school?”
The need not to look like a baby holds back any emotion as I remove my hands and face my best friend. I’d managed to confine my confession in my head thwarting Mom’s concern over my state of mind. Only Drew has a key and the words stumble out like my feet had over the threshold of school when I shamefully left for home.
“She dumped me. That flowers, candy, teddy bear shit didn’t work for me.”
“Whoa, what?”
Drew looks ready to fight for my honor as if one of the guys at school took a shot at me.
“Last night. After the game, I gave her flowers and a teddy bear. I fucking told her, I love her. And today, she tells me we’re better off friends. Then she walks off with that jackass.”
Drew doesn’t mince words.
“Fuck her,” he says before with the biggest grin ever adds, “You did fuck her, right?”
He has a way of making me laugh in the worst of times. He picks up the bear she’d given back to me and tosses it in my face. That only starts a war of dodging whatever we can get our hands on. Cans and other garbage we’d left over time. When our laughter cools, I’ve made up my mind.
“I’m never falling in love again.”
“You don’t mean that. One day the right girl will come along.”
I know he’s only trying to make me feel better.
“Fuck that,” I say adamantly. “Fuck love.”
That memory is just another reminder why I need to stay away from Samantha Calhoun. One of us will break if we continue fucking around together.
“She’s not the one,” I say to Drew’s ghost that continues to haunt me every time I come home. I understand why Cate couldn’t go back to their home and sold it. It’s too fucking hard. But the need to amend my statement forces the next words out of my mouth. “Because there’s never going to be a one.”
Movement near the tree line catches my eye. Out pops my sister with a guy I don’t recognize who’s trying to grab her arm to stop her. For a second I admire the tattoos on his arm.
Then the guy draws her close and there is panic in my sister’s expression. I shoot off the deck and head in their direction.
“Jenna, please,” the guy begs as I near.
He’s so focused on my sister, he doesn’t see me coming. Jenna spies me as she turns her face in my direction just as the guy leans down to steal what looks like a kiss, but gets her cheek instead.
“Brandon—”
“Am I interrupting something?” I growl, close enough I don’t have to yell.
Quickly, he releases her as if he just noticed how fiercely he’d been holding her.
“Sorry.” He looks sheepish and ready to bolt. “I should go.”
“No, wait,” Jenna says reaching out for him. But he keeps moving, not towards the back door, but the side of the house.
“Jenna, let him go. Kenneth’s here.”
Brandon half turns having heard but doesn’t stop. The expression he wears is one of regret. I should know, I feel it now. Shame of how I spoke to my mother is starting to weigh on me as if Drew were there as my moral compass.
“I should—”
“Jenna, let him be. Your boyfriend is here. Who is this guy to you anyway?”