“I expect you not to give him the satisfaction,” she said. “He’s already saying all kinds of horrible things about you. A public display of masculinity will just validate him. And piss me off. You need to be more devious.”
He slid his arm around her shoulders. “I can be devious when the mood strikes,” he said. “That mood isn’t now, though. I was so busy being a Cro-Magnon that I didn’t ask the most obvious question. Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” she said, but her voice was a little shaky and her smile was halfhearted. He could feel the hunch of her shoulders beneath his hold.
“Portia, tell me the truth. Your well-being is not a bother to me.”
“It’s silly. I’ve had guys try worse, trust me. It just freaked me out how angry he was, and how much it hurt when he wouldn’t let go.”
A sick sensation roiled through Tav’s stomach at the thought of David and unknown men frightening Portia. Hurting her.
“I’m sorry. What do you want me to do?”
“Exactly what you’re doing right now. Hold me for a minute, okay?”
Tav realized Portia had asked him only three things since he’d met her. For a chance to prove herself, how she could help him, and, now, to be held. This was one thing he could do right. He enveloped her in his arms, inhaling her faint floral scent.
“Don’t say anything to him tonight,” she said into his chest. “It will make a scene, and I’d prefer to keep things positive.”
“Well, I’d prefer to break David’s fingers. That sounds pretty positive to me.” She tensed in his grip and he rubbed a hand over the exposed skin of her back. “But I won’t. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do. I will be talking about this with someone later though, if that’s all right.”
She sighed against him. “Sure. I bet you weren’t expecting all that when you lured me out here to have your way with me, in preparation for your role of newest rake in town. Ravishing women in the garden is like rule number one of raking.”
“Shite, I haven’t gotten to Debrett’s Rules of Raking, yet,” Tav said, and she laughed into his chest. He cleared his throat in preparation for the fairly important thing he was about to say. Maybe if he didn’t make a big deal out of it, she wouldn’t. “I didn’t bring you to the gardens to ravish you. I lured you out here to ask you to stay.”
She went tense in his embrace again, and then her head snapped up, hitting him in the chin. Okay, playing it cool hadn’t worked.
“Sorry,” she winced. “What do you mean, though?”
“I mean that I don’t want you to leave after the apprenticeship is over. I know everything is all mixed up right now, but I want you to stay and to see if maybe we can try dating. Or something?”
She blinked at him, then blinked again. “You want me to stay here, in a foreign country, just to date you?”
“Well, when you put it like that it sounds pretty selfish, actually.”
“Didn’t you just tell me I should go work for my parents? Now you’re asking me to stay? What if I say yes and then tomorrow you change your mind again?”
Tav took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. “I thought you wanted to go work for your parents. You seemed determined and, yeah, I didn’t think I could ask you to stay here on the possibility of more. I wasn’t sure I had the right to ask that. But I’m doing it now.”
She took a deep breath. “I promised my parents I would take a bigger role in the family company,” she said. “They were depending on me and I can’t—”
“Fuck this up,” he said at the same time as her. “If you want to go that’s one thing, but if you’re just going back to make your parents happy, maybe don’t.”
“I should stay here to make you happy instead?” She slid out from under his arms, and he could feel her pulling away entirely. “And that’s not what I was going to say. I was going to say I can’t use them as an excuse anymore because they hired someone else. They decided to go with someone more useful, and I can’t say they made the wrong choice.”
“I know what I want, Portia,” Tav said gently.
“Do you? Or do you just want to make sure you still have a secretary?”
There was panic building in her voice, and Tav realized too late that he’d bungled everything. He’d moved from point A to point B too fast, when Portia had explicitly told him she wasn’t sure she could make it to point B, or even wanted to. Her actions had said otherwise though, hadn’t they?
Like asking you for boundaries?
“I know that I don’t want to lose you.”
“How exactly do you think that this will play out?” she asked quietly. “I stay, and do what exactly? I don’t know anyone here but you and your family. I don’t even have any skills. What kind of work would I do?”
Tavish was extremely confused.
“You’ve done literally everything for the armory, lass.”
“And I think that’s the problem,” she said, ignoring his point. “You probably realize it will be easier to just keep me around instead of getting a new assistant.”
“Well, no, I am getting a new assistant. I’ve said that already.”
“Well then, why would you need me?” she asked, in a flat tone that left Tav confused. Depending on what word was emphasized by her emotions, that question could have several different meanings with different answers.
The raw vulnerability in her eyes made him want to gather her close again. But he couldn’t just shag her in a hedge bush and assume she understood that meant he cared for her. He’d have to use his words.
“Do you think your only value to me is as an assistant? An apprentice?” He shook his head. “You started out as my apprentice, then you became my indispensable squire, and now you’re my . . . my liege lady.”
“Your what?” She seemed both annoyed and confused.
Tav struggled to find a way to put it into words without revealing everything but it was too late. Portia would do an internet search on the term anyway. He sighed. “You’re my liege. You’re the person I’m fighting for.”
Her mouth trembled but her expression was incredulous.
“You don’t even know me,” she said. “I stopped drinking because I was running from myself and trying to find it at the bottom of any handy cocktail glass. I slept around. I disappointed people. I’m almost thirty and I’ve never even had a stable career!”
Tav chuckled ruefully. “Is that your offensive? You think I’ll hate you now and never want to see you again because you’re a human being?” He stepped closer to her and slid his hand behind her neck, rubbing soothingly up and down.
“Stop trying to make me feel better,” she said.
“Okay, I’ll make you feel worse. You’re a horrible person who deserves to be trapped forever walking a road covered in discarded Legos, without shoes. Nothing but sharp Lego corners ripping at your soles for eternity.”
She didn’t say anything.
“Did you catch the pun there? Soles and soul.”
“Tavish.” She sighed and her eyes finally met his, full of caution. “You really are a wanker.”
He dropped a kiss on her forehead.
“I can think of loads of reasons for why I would need you, and no not just for sex, before you go there. For example—you’re bloody magnificent. You’re smart as fuck, and you can do literally anything you put your mind to.”
She hiccupped a sob and wrapped her arms around him.
“I could try to convince you all night, but this is actually your decision. Do you want to explore this thing between us in a non ‘itch scratching’ manner? If so, do you reckon it would be to your benefit or detriment? Give it a think. Because if anyone should be worrying about not being good enough, it’s me. I’m a bloody Bodotria geezer who makes swords and has a shite attitude. Christ, what are you even doing standing this close to me? Are you mad?”
Her next sob turned into choked laughter, and she looked up at him with a sliver of pleasure in her eyes. “Bodotria Geezer is your new supervillain name.”
Hope warmed Tav from the inside out.