“It was worse, Lee. I started talking to Stephanie. It was odd, you see, but we were the only two left who had lived through it. We were survivors, and no one else could understand what it meant to be us. In an odd way, we reached out to each other. I got to really know this girl. She had made one mistake in her life. It was an enormous one, but I started to wonder if it really had to be the end for her. Four of us were in that accident. Did we all have to die? I had some money left then. I made a decision. Stephanie’s college fund was eaten up with lawyer’s fees and she didn’t have anything else. Her parents weren’t rich. They just got by. Insurance paid for me, so I gave it to Stephanie for her college. For her medical school. I took it out a little at a time so she didn’t get taxed for it. I’m ashamed to say, but I took it out in cash because I didn’t want my in-laws to see her name on a check. My mother-in-law used to balance my checkbook for me. She found out anyway. She hates me now.”
He felt his jaw drop. “You did what? You paid for her medical school? Why the hell would you do that?”
Her words came out in rapid fire, a machine gun he’d primed with his outburst. “Because she owed me a life. She owed me two lives. Can’t you see that? Why can’t anyone understand? It was so horrible. It was death and horror and despair, and I saw that one good thing might come out of it. I didn’t have control over anything back then. Nothing, Lee. But I controlled this. I saw a way to make one thing right and I took it like a lifeline, and she went to med school. She studied so hard. She got through it fast because she was dedicated. She graduated and she’s in Africa now doing charity work. She saves babies because I lost mine, and I know no one understands. I know everyone thinks I should want her dead, but her death wouldn’t solve anything. It wouldn’t bring Maddie back. It won’t make Brandon any less dead, but don’t you see? Her death would have been meaningless, but her life, oh, her life can mean the world. And I made that choice. Me. I got to do that. For Maddie and Brandon. For me. And when I made that decision to forgive her that was when I knew I was going to walk again because I had made the decision to live.”
He didn’t understand. He stared at her for a moment, tears streaming down her face and realized that she was a mystery and she always would be to him. He could live forever and not be able to discover the depth of how lovely and amazing she was.
He’d told himself for countless years that he fought for what was right, but it was an excuse. He just liked to fight. When he was a kid, he’d fought whoever was in front of him. In the Army, he’d fought who he’d been told to fight. Now he fought for whoever had the cash to pay his company.
But Avery had done something amazing. Avery fought misery and pain and loss and found a way to make something beautiful in the world.
Avery was worth fighting for. Avery was worth dying for. Avery was worth loving even if she could never love him back.
Liam stood up, his heart pounding, his real voice flowing. “Avery, my name is Liam O’Donnell, and I’ve been investigating your boss for arms dealing.”
Chapter Fifteen
Avery was sure she hadn’t heard him correctly. She was emotional, tears still pouring down her face. Sometimes when she got really emotional, she didn’t listen well. “What did you say?”
It wasn’t just what he’d said. It was the way he’d said it. His accent had changed from flat to a gorgeous, lyrical Irish—the same sounds she sometimes heard when he was making love to her.
He was still naked, his perfectly sculpted body on full display, but his face seemed shadowed, his eyes not quite meeting hers. “I told you. My name is Liam O’Donnell. I work for a security company named McKay-Taggart, and we’re tracking a rogue CIA agent. He’s been meeting with Thomas Molina. In the course of our investigation into Eli Nelson, we stumbled onto MI6’s investigation of the United One Fund.”
“What? MI6? What the hell is MI6?”
“It’s Britain’s version of the CIA. They investigate external threats to the country. They’ve been tracking black market arms shipments in Africa.”
Her head was spinning. All the previous intimacy of the evening was gone in a haze of complete confusion. CIA? Arms shipments? “Why are you saying this? I don’t understand.”
They were supposed to talk about her day and her in-laws, and he was supposed to have finally understood. He was supposed to reach out and hold her close and make love to her again.
He was supposed to be Lee.
“I’m sorry, Avery.” He took a step toward her, his eyes finally coming up, and she read a wealth of guilt in those emerald orbs. His eyes told the tale. He wasn’t joking. “I went about this all wrong. I just couldn’t let another second go by without confessing.”
He reached out for her, but it was far too late. She stepped back as far as she could go, her back finding the wall. “Don’t. Don’t touch me.”
His hands dropped. “Let me explain.”
“Explain what? Explain that you lied to me?” He’d lied to her. He’d lied and not about something small and inconsequential. He hadn’t lied about his favorite food or whether or not he liked cats. He’d lied about his name. He’d lied about his profession. He’d lied about his whole life. He’d held her, slept with her, fucked her every night for a week and she hadn’t even known his name.
“Yes. I lied, but I had reasons, love. This situation with your boss is bloody serious, and I don’t want you involved for another minute. I want you out of this. Avery, I want to protect you.”