Elizabeth lay beside Derek, tracing a pattern on his chest. She ran her finger over the scar there and then trailed lower, to the one along his rib cage.
Her throat tightened, and she stopped tracing. Instead, she slid her thigh over his and nestled closer. His body felt warm and solid, and she tried to keep her mind in the present. If she could focus on his arms around her, she might actually get some sleep tonight.
“People do it, you know.”
She turned her head. “What?”
“The long-distance thing.” He eased his arm out from under her and propped himself on his elbow to look at her. “It’s tough, but it works. Not always but sometimes.”
She slid her leg away and rolled onto her back to look at the ceiling. The bathroom door was ajar, letting a wedge of light into the room. “I don’t want a relationship like that.”
“With me, you mean.”
“With anyone.” She sat up against the headboard and pulled the sheet up.
“What’s so bad about it?”
She stared at him. “We’d never see each other, for one thing.”
“We would when I have leave.”
“That’s what? A few weeks a year?” Frustration welled up in her chest. Why did he want to talk about this right now?
“That’s a cop-out, and you know it. You just don’t want to try.”
She looked at him there in the dim light. He was propped on his elbow, staring at her, all muscular and perfect and scarred and determined.
Her heart felt sore. He thought she was weak. And she wasn’t. But she knew herself a lot better than he did, and she wished he’d at least try to understand.
She reached out and brushed her finger over his knuckles. “Have you ever been to a place, and it’s so different from what you’re used to—you’re not there that long, but it’s so different that you notice every detail?” She watched him. “Maybe somewhere exotic, like the Himalayas or the rain forest or, I don’t know, somewhere underwater?”
He nodded slightly.
“That’s what it was like with you. I memorized every detail. And then you were gone, and it was really hard.” She met his eyes, and her nerves fluttered as she let the words come out. “I missed you so much. It took me a long time to deal with that and accept that we were too different. The circumstances were too impossible. It was hard to face up to, but I did it. And I don’t want to have to go through that again.”
She saw the frustration in his eyes, and she could tell he still didn’t get it. He’d always been the one to leave, not the one left behind.
“There was so much waiting and worrying,” she said. “I would have these moments of panic every time I watched the news. And I’d read in the paper about some suicide bomb or some helicopter crash, and I’d look for some hidden clue that it was or wasn’t you involved.”
His brow furrowed, but she kept going.
“I know how you are, how when there’s trouble you run to it, not away. I knew you guys were in on that raid before Gordon even told me. I knew it in my bones, Derek. It was so dangerous—who else would they send?”
“This isn’t really about me, is it?” His voice had an edge. “This is about your dad.”
She looked at him for a long moment. “Maybe in a way. I know what it’s like to lose someone important. The hurt is so deep I can’t even explain it. And I know how hard it is after. I don’t want that kind of fear in my life again. It’s taken me years to get away from it, and I know that’s not what I want. Can’t you try to understand that?”
He held her gaze for a long moment. “I understand fear better than anybody. Part I don’t understand is giving in without a fight.”
Chapter Twenty-two
A faint buzzing noise jarred Derek awake. He stared up at the ceiling and felt a heavy weight on his chest. Snagging his jeans off the floor, he dug his phone from the pocket.
“Vaughn.”
“You up?” It was Luke.
Derek sat up and glanced over his shoulder at Elizabeth. She was out cold, her arms tucked snugly under the pillow. She didn’t move a muscle as he got up and pulled on his jeans.
She’d been so wrung out that she’d completely crashed. He knew from experience that she didn’t like emotional drama, but last night had been pretty maxed out.
“You there?”
“One sec.” He opened the glass slider and stepped onto the balcony. Although balcony was being generous. It was barely big enough to stand on—maybe if you were a hobbit sneaking a cigarette, but that was about it. He slid the door shut behind him and blinked up at the sun.
“What’s up?” he asked.
“I just talked to Hailey, and I’ve got some intel.”
“You just talked to her?” He checked his watch. It was 0600 in California.
“This was last night. She was going through some shit, and she asked me to come to her hotel to talk.”
“And you went.”
“Hey, fuck you, Mr. Self-Righteous. I didn’t touch her.”
Derek hoped for Hailey’s sake that Luke was telling the truth. He raked a hand through his hair and sighed. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
“Do you want this or not?”
“I do.”
Derek definitely wanted it. He looked out over the kudzu-covered bayou that separated Elizabeth’s hotel from a freeway packed with morning commuters. This thing, whatever it was, was ramping up, and the feds were still chasing their tails.
“Rasasa,” Luke said. “I don’t know if it’s a name or a place or what, but Hailey said it’s something Khalid was talking about during her captivity.”
“Rasasa.”
“Yeah, you roll the R. I think it’s a person, but it could be anything. I figured you could pass it along to the FBI. Can you reach Elizabeth?”
Derek glanced over his shoulder. The bed was empty now. “Yeah,” he said, stepping back into the room.
So much for the naked send-off he’d been hoping for. But the bathroom door stood ajar, and the shower was running, so maybe he had a chance.
“She mention anything else?” Derek asked.
“Not really.”
Derek scrubbed his hand over his face. “Okay, well, let me know if she comes up with something more.”
“I will. So are you back yet?”
“Nah, I’m still in Houston.”
“I thought you were driving.”
“I am.”
The water went off, and Derek watched Elizabeth’s perfectly wet and perfectly naked body step out of the tub.
“Listen, I gotta go.”
“Right. Got it.” Luke laughed, and Derek knew he’d figured out exactly why he was still in Houston. “Hey, don’t stick around too long. We’re wheels-up Thursday.”
“I know.”
Derek shoved his phone into his pocket and stepped into the bathroom as she was wrapping herself in a towel. She looked wary, maybe a little uneasy around him in the cold light of morning. She was typically so restrained all the time, and last night’s maelstrom of tears and emotion and lust had caught them both off-guard.
She moved to step past him, and he caught her arm.
“?’Morning.”
“?’Morning.” She stood on tiptoes and kissed him. Not exactly the full-frontal assault he would have liked, but it was friendly.
“How’s the arm?” he asked, looking down at her bandage.
“Fine.”
Uh-huh. He’d bet it hurt like a bitch.
“Who was on the phone?” she asked, slipping out of his grasp to walk to the closet.
“Luke. Hey, does the name Rasasa mean anything to you?”
“No. Should it?”
“I don’t know.” His phone vibrated, and he tore his gaze away from Elizabeth to read a text from Cole. The message was long and rambling, and reading it prompted him to shuffle his plans for the morning. He texted back a response.
“Where’d that come from?”
He looked up. “Hailey Gardner.” He tucked the phone away. “Luke talked to her last night.”
Her eyebrows tipped up as she slipped past him again—fully dressed now, unfortunately—into the bathroom. She wore another one of those crisp white shirts with charcoal slacks. She ran a brush through her hair, eyeing him in the mirror. “I didn’t know he’d been in contact with her.”